Key in the lock and a change begins. No longer am I thinking about the ice on the sidewalk or the citation from the city for the grass being too tall. Winter through summer, there is but one season in the studio. Computer on, coffee maker on, pick a few dead leaves from the windowsill plants and from the model's stand. Password, email, nothing of importance here, no cancelation from Sylvia. Blue light means the coffee is ready. Look through photos to see if there might be something that could lend itself to the pose I am thinking about.
The ritual has begun, I do it every time, for every model. A clean sheet and pillow cases, roll out the rug from under the model's stand. The studio has to be just so. From my chair I spin around, checking off things that I like ready for a visitor to the studio. Models get the same treatment I give everyone who visits my studio. Its nerves. Will I be able to paint her? Will she return for a second and third session? What is the weather forecast? Light coming in the West window is very important for me to achieve my goal for this painting.
Fresh colors out. Canvas on the easel, and the music is ready. Too much coffee now…getting the jitters. Painted hundreds of nudes and still I get all tied up thinking I will not be able to paint. Pull a nude from the rack to reassure myself. Not bad if I do say so myself… How'd I do this one… oh my God how did I do this one?! I cannot remember doing this one at all. Slide it back into the rack. I think of my first model in New York. Went through the same thing back then. When does it come that I will be totally relaxed about hiring models?
There is that knock and there is Sylvia - ready to get to work, not a bit nervous. "What are we doing today?," she asks and gives me that look of “what else?” when I say a nude. She laughs and says, "You guys and nudes.” Sylvia is more than happy to pose nude, she is quite comfortable with herself. Me? I am calm on the outside, but inside, a total nervous mess.
